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Listen Up!


1.  We have more time.

“Normal” people spend hours on choosing clothes,Deciding what matches what, hairdressing, bathing, make-up etc. - what a waste of time! We win twice over: we don’t notice what we look like or whether we smell awful and we don’t care whether other people notice either.


2.  We save energy.

An awful lot of people waste far too much energy on keeping fit. There they are running in and out of the local health club - are they stupid or what? Who wants to waste energy lifting chunks of metal or stepping on and off little platforms? When you’ve finished, you’re all tired and sweaty- so sweaty that you have a drink to replace all the body fluid you’ve lost. Question: why lose it in the first place?


3.  We are less irritating.

Don’t people realise that a frequent reaction to the sight of a happy, smiling face is an almost uncontrollable urge to punch it in the mouth? How dare they make us feel like that! Don’t they know we’ve got enough problems already?


4.  We’re less likely to get skin cancer.

As soon as the sun comes out, people immediately rush outside to greet it, or down to the travel agent to book a holiday.  We, on the other hand, take the emergence of the sun as a personal affront. The proper reaction to its appearance is a sullen “What the hell have you got to be so cheerful about?” before retreating indoors away from all that ultra-violet.


5.  We’re better neighbours.

The D-I-Y fanatic who wakes you up on a Sunday morning isn’t depressed. You can tell because we have neither the energy nor the motivation to start up noisy power tools. We greet the day by retreating under the quilt to shut the light out - that doesn’t wake the neighbours!


6.  We spread less depression.

Real depressives are so far down that if asked “Hi! How are things?” we just shrug. People who say they are depressed - but are really just a bit fed up - will draw a deep breath, say “Well........” and they’re off!  Who needs it?  The question was rhetorical, OK?  Keep it to yourself - don’t spread it about!


Repeat after me, “It’s good to be depressed!”



Latou   1995

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